Reflections

There are so many things I never knew or noticed, until they were gone and I longed for them back. I never knew my kids would sprout up and grow almost over night. That I would look back with longing for the long, sleepless nights with a newborn-just to hold them as a baby one more time. Nuzzling chubby necks, only the two of us existing at the time, while the rest of the world was in a deep slumber.

I never knew to cherish each and every time my children held my hand. I took for granted, their tiny, little fists wrapped in mine. I never knew the pain I would feel the first time they shrugged off my hand or asked to walk "alone".

I never knew that the monotony of each day blending in and out of each other seamlessly, the constant rhythm, of our home, would someday go away. I never knew how much I would miss the boring, idle chatter while doing chores. The peaceful days so alike the last-feeding, changing babes, playing, cleaning. Our summer, flowed right into fall-on and on in the rhythm of our lives together, changing, but also staying so much, the same. Our days are now filled with pick ups, drop off, finding shoes for the 100th time and rushing. Ohhh, the rushing. I never knew how much I would hate the rushing! Predictable & calm, I miss you old friends.

I never knew that I would one day wake up and feel old, wondering when the hell did this happened? Was it not yesterday that I was in high school, college... young? My skin young & supple, now wrinkled with age and signs of babies. I never appreciated being young, not the freedom, my body, anything! I wish I had known.

By looking at all the things I never realized, the things that seemed to pass by all too quick, helps me open my eyes to the things I am likely to miss now. Things that otherwise might seem a nuisance, will one day be looked back on with longing and a sense of love. Someday I will miss seeing my babes at dawn each morning, not grumble like I often do now. When they are away at college, or beyond, I will long to see their faces as I wake to an empty home.

Someday I will miss cooking for my brood, and long for their little "helping" hands in my kitchen. By taking the time to realize that I have so much in my life, makes the day pass happily, a smile cross my face more, and the peace & rhythm-I so long for- to be seen. It's been here all along, just changing and morphing into different patterns.

I am so lucky.

Reflections of a Year

This week marks the one year point in [L]'s life. I can't believe how much our lives have changed in the past year! I feel like a completly diffferent person. The time is passing so quickly, I am afraid I am missing things each day. [D] is starting school next year, which is insane. It feels like I was just pregnant with him. How did he manage to grow so fast. [M] is so interested in learning and [L] is changing tons each day!
The past few months I have really tried to focus on "now". What is happening each day and each hour. I used to spend way to much time thinking about the future and how I would have changed the past that I was missing out on the present-the most importatnt time!

In the past year I have realized:
I am stronger than I ever though - I am sometimes less patient - I miss my family - Everyday holds magic - Watching my children smile, is pure happiness - I have almost everything I ever wanted in life- I am an overachiever - I have an unrealistic expectation that my kids have the perfect life- There is nothing more important in this world than the relationship I have with my kids and husband - I love watching to see what color [L] & [M]'s eye will be on any given day - [D] needs me - I need to find more time for myself - I am not, and cannot be perfect - events matter more than things - sometimes I am lonely - my daughter wants to be just like me - my son wants to do everything I do - I am devoted to [L] - Life happens whether we are active in it or not.

Happy birthday [L]!! Thank you for adding your silliness and charm to our family. Everyday gets more fun watching you grow into the great man you will one day become. You are spirited, strong, silly, charming, tough, and ever so sweet.