Back to school

Back to school is upon us again. Even as I write this, it's with a heavy heart. I miss my kids! Almost a week in, and while it's been easier for me than last year. This will never be easy. It's this time of year I miss homeschooling the most. Unfortunately, it doesn't work out at this point with the needs of our family. Also, these children of mine are flourishing at school- they are learning lots & enjoy it! What more could I ask for.

Things have been quiet here for awhile. At first, it was due to soaking up every minute of time I could with all my kids home for the summer. In that time, I also realized I was taking a much needed break. A break from making things for selling, a break from vending at shows, all of it. I worked on only things for keeping- it's been awhile. A break from the blog, or just the idea I HAD things to do. I'm starting to miss this little space now, and while I often take little breaks, so far I have always found the desire to return. I just listen to the little voice that says move away, rest, return- a bit more these days.

Posts will still be a little sporadic for awhile. My beloved camera needs sent in for repairs. {Can you hear those sobs} I truly feel like a part of my arm has been lopped off. I so often reach for my camera in a day that removing the behavior has been so hard for me. I'm not going to lie, close to traumatic-as silly as it sounds. So if anyone is needing Kunklebaby products, head over to the shop!! Haha, now is the time to help out with the fix camera fund.

two and four.

Over the weekend, we celebrated the little guys in our house... or shall I say the not so little one's. Two and four now, not quite "really" big kids just yet, but definitively no longer babies! I couldn't be prouder of them both, but honestly, it was with a heavy heart as I watched my baby go from from one to two. Both in age and maturity. How can you suddenly be learning color and to count already? How did theses years pass so quickly? I want to hold onto every last bit of baby days. Every bit of baby fat and little chubby feet. Every goodnight story and eighteen kisses before they are ready for bed, moments.

I know far to well, this slippery slope. One to two today, tomorrow I will be pondering how he turned seven, eight, nine.... The days pass slowly sometimes, but the years in a flash. If I could just freeze them here for a little while longer, enjoying every little giggle and new delight in the world around them. Happy Birthday Boys! You are MY sunshine! I hope you both had a wonderful celebration.

A few more

 
A few more from our park trip yesterday. Ever notice how much better you can feel with just a little fresh air? It turns grumpy, sleepy babies into giggling, jumping bursts of happiness. It works on grumpy Mama's too. How quickly piles of laundry and to-do lists get forgotten when the rays of sun hit your face. The sound of my children's laughter as they dance through the bright blades of grass.

bliss. motherhood. happiness.

Playing at the park

 This past weekend was ALL about family time. I was loving it so much. Every once in a while, I nee dit. Just a weekend with no plans. Nothing we "have" to get to. Just hanging out, enjoying the company of each other. Sadly, these kind of weekends don't happen as often as I'd like. We always spend them together, but they are often filled with errands, birthday parties, trips to the grocery store and laundry. Ohhh man, am I gonna to moan catching up on the laundry this week. Funny thing are relaxing weekends, they accumulate lots of messes while in progress.

Over the weekend I was feeling so blessed. I'm so lucky to know and love, each of the children in our brood. Each has their own little qualities and quirks that delight {and sometimes drive me mad}. I love knowing when I wake up each day, I will hear, "I love you Mama". That my day will be filled with kisses and baby hands holding me tight. Right now I want to capture every little expression, and giggle, the little one's make and lock it away tight so I can revisit them at whim. They are growing faster and faster as the days pass. I watch the older kids and wish for the sweet unquestioning love they had for me while younger. I sigh and know they are growing and with that comes independence and questions and rebelling. {It does make my heart ache a little though} I want to hold onto to the lasting moments with the smaller ones while it still exists strong and free.

Snow

We finally have some snow again. It's "some" as in the most basic, barely there idea, but it does cover the whole ground. {that counts, this winter} Last year was full of snow days, driving trips to school that I gritted my teeth through, more snow days, snowmen, snowballs, snow days with hot cocoa, and all the fun that comes with snow. This year, not so much. Growing up in Cleveland, I never imagined a day I would ever wish for more snow, but it's arrived. I want just enough to cover up the muddy yards and brighten the gray days. {Please}

Little {L} is healing up well. The pain from is unfortunate accident has subsided a bit. Now we are juts left with an extra active kid, overly anxious to get rid of those silly bandages, and jump around. While it has been a little work reminding him to keep them on, I am thankful. Last year at this time, they would have lasted a whole 3 minutes {maybe} and the next few weeks I would have spent tearing my hair out over him breaking them open and re-injuring them. He's made a lot of progress since last year with his speech and temperament.  I'm so proud of him and how hard he's working. It's been a drastic change for the best for our family!

Weekend Knitting

 Spent the weekend keeping my hands busy & trying to keep my mind calm. Battling with strep, colds and lots of blahhh here. I have NEVER got through so many hats in such a short time period, even in kids sizes.  Sometimes when things are just all going all a little wrong, I need something concrete... something real to do. Something that I can see and hold and work through from start to finish. Often I finding reading comforting, but even that was escaping me this weekend. Maybe it means knitting, just a silly thing like a hat, but it allows me to have control over something when sometimes there is no control to be had anywhere else.

Our lives the past month has been a series of unfortunate events, one after another, after another. Sick kids, family issues, identity theft. .today Little {L} cut off his nail and part of his finger. Yeah, fun stuff like that. One after another, I think I may have an army of handknits when this spell ends. I'm keep my head high, for as crappy as things have been, there are FAR worse things out there. Things that I hope never brush against our doorstep. I have hope that "any day now".... hear that universe? ANY day now things will turn around for the better!

The hats are a mix of gifts for family & friends, and one to be sent off to the homeless shelter. I'm trying to get a few more children's hats finished for the shelter, while it's still pretty cold {we have awhile in Ohio still}. My favorite, is the one I'm wearing in the picture {although I really like the bloom at the top of the green one too}. Who knows, I may have ten more favorites by the time I'm done this month.

Be Mine

I gently wrap my finger around one of his curly, locks of hair. Reveling in the beauty & softness. I always wanted curls like these. Holding him tight, I wonder how I ever lived without these children. How I ever drew a single breath without thinking of them. That life, almost a distant memory in eight short years. I had no idea how much I could love before them. How open my heart would be for each & every one. Little fingers that hold onto my hand & heart.

Little bits of my heart for all to see. As with all joy, sometimes pain, a struggle. The struggle that makes it all worth it- fighting for happiness, perfection, joy. They came into this world through pain-pain and blood. I'd gladly do it over, ten fold for each. Loving them, means giving more than I think I have in me, at times. Finding each time that I have more than I thought to give. A total unrelenting, giving up of the "I" and becoming "we".  Be my friend. Be my advocate. Be my nurse, my playmate, my confidant, my protector. My Mother. Security, happiness, love, my everything. Be Perfect. Be Whole. Be Strong.

mustache {this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Join in @ Soulemama.

making

With all the knitting I've been doing, it's been nice to finish up a few projects this week {I'll share when I have pic's}. Afterward, I decided to whip up a quick & easy, little project. It's cold here, yes- winter, frigid cold and  this little guy just refuses to wear a hat for more than 2 minutes. From the back door, 12 steps to the cold car and off it goes into a multicolored pile of mama knit hats on the van floor. A full weeks worth the last I checked. I've tried everything & every hat, with him. He smiles at me in his devilish little way as I explain, "Please, PLEASE leave your hat on today, Baby J. You know Mama doesn't like it when you throw them on the dirty floor in the car. ok, then". Two minutes later and they join the growing pile of sad, discarded knits.

I decided to give a hat with ties a try for him. I'll tie it on and then he will just forget all about it. {Insert evil Mom laughter here}  Famous last words. {sigh} It lasted one single, five minute, car trip where he yelled, "Mama....help ME", the whole time. Once in the house, he decided no hat would get the best of him, and promptly figured out how to get it off immediately.

Well, in the end, it did turn out cute. Older brother has taken a liking to it. If only I had knit it a bit larger it would actually fit him. He enjoying the tiny hat/big head look this week, I guess.

Snow!

We have snow here, finally!! May be the first time this winter he's worn a coat, and not whined about it. I swear this one never gets cold outside. He'd wear a t-shirt, shorts & snow boots to drop off the kids at school each day if I let him-- EVERY day and I wouldn't ever hear a peep about him being cold. When I say put on a jacket, it's winter & cold, he always chuckles then says, " ohhhhh Mom, you know I NEVER get cold. Remember?". I sure love this one's zest for life!

this week

Here's a little glimpse into our week, as it's been quiet here while I took a little break from blogging and rested.