something

Something shifted for me today. Something changed as I stared into the face of my baby. My baby was suddenly, not such a baby anymore. When had this happened? I didn't receive the, "time to grow up" memo! Yet, there he sits, across the table from me, on a chair he climbed into all alone. Munching a big, juicy, green apple that one of the big kids left lying around, forgotten & discarded. He found the forgotten prize, squealing in delight with a big chomp.

I sat looking. Looking at my child, so un-baby like in his mannerism. I then realized I would never have let the other kids eat a raw apple at this age! I would have snatched it right from their hands, explaining they would choke on such things. So very much has changed. By my fourth child, I've relaxed and calmed down. I've learned the little things, the things you love the most are the things that pass the fastest {late night snuggles, holding hands, soft, sleeping baby cheek on your chest}.

No longer are important milestones, quickly written down in precise detail on the calender, but instead enjoyed in the moment. I've since let go of the crippling fear that everything in existence "could" hurt my child. Oh the paranoia with number one {sorry kid!}. Without the constant assessing and measuring, my baby grew up before my eyes. Instead of realizing every inch and growth, this time I watched... just watched. Enjoying the time and cherishing the moments, not the stats. Enjoying the being, not the details that he was made up of.  Watching. Loving. Hoping to remember forever.

Without realizing, it was, in one glance today, that all those missing stats added up in front of me. My baby. My boy. My son. I am so very, madly in love with this little guy. He's amazing and funny. The curls, oh god, the curls! Cuddly and sweet, but mischievous in the grandest ways and enjoys life with such wholeness.

He sure is something, this one!