love.

Yesterday was a perfect day. It's been awhile since I had such a great day, just hanging out with the kids. We started the morning with some much needed, good new at therapy {and cookies}. That was followed by some impromptu, running in the falling snow at the park. The beautiful, fluffy, snowflakes descending on our tongues & hats. It was peaceful, and warmed my heart to see the boys so happy and giggling.

I've really missed the snow this year, and what better day to arrive than Valentine's Day. Lots of snuggles with the little ones to warm up tiny, cold toes and fingers, after our outdoor fun. After the older kids and Dad arrived from work and school, we quickly got to exchanging our handmade Valentines. The kids worked so hard on them this year {behind closed doors. no peeking mama}, and I was surprised and delighted by each and every one. pure love. I couldn't ask for a better day or a better family!

Fifteen Years

This weeks marks fifteen years together with my husband, and seven married. That's A LONG time! I met him when I was 15, so I have known him an equal time, as not known him. Next year, I'll have spent more of my life with him than without. {15 years with, 15 years without. crazy}

So much has changed for us in those fifteen years. When we met, we were just kids-high school sweethearts, naive and ready to take on the world together! I kinda feel like I grew up with Mike. All the important things I've gone through have been with him.We met in high school,  spent our college years together, started having babies, bought a house, and now we spend our time making our house a home.

There have been lots of ups & downs. Like, when we spent 2 months eating toast in college. Or,when I was raising two little one's at home, and he worked 80+ hour weeks. Only home long enough to catch a little sleep & kiss us before heading back to work. We were broke college kids together, without a car and living in crappy campus apartments with hand me down everything, and we thought we were living the life!. I look back of those days with such a sense of love & respect. We didn't have much, but we've always had each other, and that's what matters.

There have been so many great moments for us too. The day I graduated and thought, this is it. Our life together can start now. I'll never forget becoming a mother, our very first baby & looking over at his proud, smiling face. The moment he became not just a boy, but a father.  A father to OUR child. The day we purchased our home together, all giggly, excited and scared--feeling like we were officially grown ups now {which is really quite silly because we already had one child, and another one cooking}.

Most of all I enjoy the things that happen every year- Christmas morning, pumpkin picking at the patch, watching him rock my babies to sleep, the way he always tries to get out of helping plant the garden, then digs every single hole because I do it the "foolish" way. I love him quirks & all!

I can't wait to see what the next fifteen years brings for us!

something

Something shifted for me today. Something changed as I stared into the face of my baby. My baby was suddenly, not such a baby anymore. When had this happened? I didn't receive the, "time to grow up" memo! Yet, there he sits, across the table from me, on a chair he climbed into all alone. Munching a big, juicy, green apple that one of the big kids left lying around, forgotten & discarded. He found the forgotten prize, squealing in delight with a big chomp.

I sat looking. Looking at my child, so un-baby like in his mannerism. I then realized I would never have let the other kids eat a raw apple at this age! I would have snatched it right from their hands, explaining they would choke on such things. So very much has changed. By my fourth child, I've relaxed and calmed down. I've learned the little things, the things you love the most are the things that pass the fastest {late night snuggles, holding hands, soft, sleeping baby cheek on your chest}.

No longer are important milestones, quickly written down in precise detail on the calender, but instead enjoyed in the moment. I've since let go of the crippling fear that everything in existence "could" hurt my child. Oh the paranoia with number one {sorry kid!}. Without the constant assessing and measuring, my baby grew up before my eyes. Instead of realizing every inch and growth, this time I watched... just watched. Enjoying the time and cherishing the moments, not the stats. Enjoying the being, not the details that he was made up of.  Watching. Loving. Hoping to remember forever.

Without realizing, it was, in one glance today, that all those missing stats added up in front of me. My baby. My boy. My son. I am so very, madly in love with this little guy. He's amazing and funny. The curls, oh god, the curls! Cuddly and sweet, but mischievous in the grandest ways and enjoys life with such wholeness.

He sure is something, this one!

the end

Summer is quickly speeding away. Only 15 days left until the start of school. I feel anxiety tighten in my throat and each breathe harder to take than the last as I type that! Last year was so difficult for us, and this summer was such a welcome retreat, break, blessing! I never wanted it to end.

As the days, weeks, then months passed on the calender, I tried to ignore the feeling of sudden doom. {I tend to be a little over dramatic... can you tell? } If I spent my time worrying about when it would end, I would never enjoy any of it.

So that just what I did. I turned a blind eye to the end of June. I cautiously noted the middle of July being awfully close to August {without freaking out}. Now, all the sudden, yes the anxiety & stress has all surfaced. The city schools site had a ticking countdown on their website. I was looking for some info and as I saw it the blood drained from my face. no.. so soon.... where did the summer go? Back to the hustle & bustle of school, packed lunches, germs, OMG the germs & sickness, lost jackets, shoes, books. Most of all, being separated from my children. That's the part that really gets me. I feel like part of my soul is cut away when they are gone. It's not a welcoming feeling!

We will be salvaging every last minute to enjoy each others company and the beautiful end of summer days we have left. I'll even "try" to stay calm.

Someday

Have you ever read this book? I cry... EVERY TIME. Yes, every single one. I tear up just thinking about the end. It's a must read for every mama out there.

Here's a short list of someday's:

• Someday, I want to finish school ... so I can be a "real" artist. lol
• Someday, I want to have one more baby
• Someday, I want to take my family on a nice, long vacation-outta Ohio
• Someday, I want to have a [slightly] larger house
• Someday, I want to hold my grandchildren for the first time, and remember what it was like to hold their parents 
• Someday, I want to have the time to devote to my art, full time. 
• Someday, I will miss the noise & chaos of daily life in a family of six
• Someday, I hope my kids say- While their Mom wasn't perfect, I did a good job raising them 

Hug your babies and enjoy the day!

happy mother's day

Found this on facebook and it's so true:

I've carried my children within my body, Slept with my children on my chest. I've kissed little toes & wiped away tears. I've been puked on, peed on & spent sleepless nights cradling my child, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror I see a MOM, and there is no greater Honor, Love or Blessing!!

Happy Mother"s Day to all the mama's out there! Your shaping the future on child at a time.

ten months

Little hands grow strong before my eyes. Grasping, exploring, signing for more, milk and eat. New mysteries unfold each day, hour... minute. So much to explore and learn. I'm a proud, gushing mama, but sometimes inside I'm screaming. STAY! STOP! Don't grow, don't change so fast. Do not grow another inch.

My sweet baby number four, so quickly changing into a toddler. As the baby days are drawing to a close, I want to hold onto every second. Remember every expression, sound, the smell of your little baby head after a nap-everything. I fear soon I'll be looking at a grown man, wondering how he was just my baby... yesterday.

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Join in at Soulemama.

This Moment.

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Join in at Soulemama.

A little Love...

So glad tomorrow is Friday. Here's a little love to get you through the rest of the week.

The Universes Hates me...

Well...not really, but that's how I've felt the past 2 weeks. In 2 weeks, 2 ever so short weeks we had 2 Emergency Room visits, 3 doctors visits and 1 trip to the Urgent Care. Battled colds, the flu, bronchitis, ear infections, croup, sinus infections, fevers, mystery rash, two febrile seizures and then finally a horrible case of hives.

Everyone of the kids was affected by more than 3 of these things over the course of yes, 2 weeks! I felt like my brain was going to fall outta my head towards the end. Baby {J}'s top two teeth thought this also to be the perfect time to pop right on out. Everyone is on the mend now, but it's been a rough February here at the Kunklebaby household. Lots of medicine, hugs, desperate wishes for the kids to be alright, and tissues. Ohhh the tissues.

During the past few weeks, to keep from going insane I have been knitting. Knitting and knitting, letting my brain go numb and mindless while focusing on the rhythm of the yarn and needles. All the kids got 2 new hats out of the ordeal. The first set I made were these from the new Soulemama pattern as Valentine's Day gifts for the kids. They were SO easy and so cute. Let me also preface that by saying I have never knit a hat before...ever. In two weeks I have now made 7! The next set were made using the book More Last minute knitting. [I'll share those tomorrow]

Everyone was thrilled with the new hats except Baby {J}. His new hat is his new nemesis. arch enemy. new thing to be avoided at ALL costs. Little {L} thinks his is a Spiderman mask [no idea!] and wears it over his face. At this point if it's cold & he's actually wearing a hat, I'm happy!

love

May your day be filled with love, family & happiness! Happy Valentine's Day!

Solstice

Happy Winter Solstice! We spent the day baking cookies, laughing & enjoying each others company... and the bigger kids got to watch "Attack of the 50 ft Woman" from 1958. Fun times, hee-hee.

Looking forward to a warm, happy winter snuggled up with my children.

Brothers

I can't help but feel overwhelmingly proud as I watch my oldest child, play with the youngest. He's so kind, and genuinely interested in the baby. We know so much more now with #4 than we did after our first-young parents, super excited to be a "family", just learning who we were together, still. For that matter who we were ourselves! Over the years, I"ve come to no longer think in terms of "I", but, "we". I rarely say I anymore, and even rarer is the singular thought. We are now a family, for good or bad times.

Sometimes when the day is dragging on, and I feel like I cannot take one more minute of this life-laundry, bickering children, muddy dogs and the never ending shuttle service called mom- I revisit moments like these. Captured sometimes by my camera, sometimes just in my mind, and it makes it all worth it. These days pass far to quick, and I am desperate to enjoy each & every moment. Too quickly will these small fingers & toes grow.

Joy

A cookie. I never though one single cookie could bring me so much joy. One cookie brought giggles, smiles and happiness to our tiniest member of the family. All that happy warms a Mama's soul!

I feel like this one is growing up over night. In the wee hours when we are asleep in our warm bed, not noticing how fast the inches & milestones are passing. This one who seems like he just arrived, but is on the brink of crawling and talking.This little boy, so new, yet so very much a part of this family. This will be his first Christmas. I know he will have absolutely no memory of the season, but it will hold a special place in my heart forever.

Creating

Lots of making going on at our home. Between Kunklebaby Christmas orders and all our holiday gifts that need made, our days have been full. I've spent the past few months knitting and we'll spend the last few weeks before Christmas sewing. The kids have their own long list of "to do's", like Christmas cookies, clay, gingerbread houses and their own gift making. Mama is finishing scarves, new dolls, quilts, ornaments and some homemade baking too.

It's such a happy time of year for us. We are all excited to see the extended family soon. With most of our relatives 2+ hours away, it's becoming a special treat.

Merry & Bright

I am so amazed by the love these two little boys show each other! Little {L} is never referred to as a "gentle" child, but he is so tender and sweet with his Baby JuJu! I love watching them grow into friends. I know there will be many fights & disagreements over the years, but deep down, the love is already there-a bond of brotherhood growing stronger each day!

Magic

The magic of Christmas is once again flowing through the house. Whispers of Santa and all the upcoming fun times, flow out from under the doors of the "sleeping" children's rooms. The ornaments are on the tree and we listened to our young children reminisce about their "old" memories of Christmas' past. Mama is happy and can't stop thinking about knitting, sewing and all the new gifts to be made for the children. If magic exists I feel it this time of year. We will be celebrating Baby's First Christmas, for the fourth time-each and every as special as the last.

I can't wait to see what else the season holds for us!

six.

I hope six still has room for unicorns, silly faces, snuggles with mama, holding hands, the mystique of fairies, late night chats about dreams & wishes.

All the magic in the world is wrapped up in this little girl. My little girl who is quickly becoming not so little anymore. It seems like yesterday she was placed in my arms. A wee-little tiny babe. So much smaller than any of the boys ever were! I was scared to hold her-didn't want to break her. She is an old soul with an amazing quest for knowledge and love. She continue's to amaze me with her wisdom & sweetness. The past six years have been magical for me getting to know her. Just being near her. I'm so lucky to call you my daughter!

Happy Birthday sweet girl.

Welcome Fall

Welcome Fall-I've been waiting for you! I've been dreaming of scarves, chunky boots, apple cider and the smell of crisp, fallen leaves. I've been waiting to hit the pumpkin patch and watch my babies parade around in silly costumes, crazy for candy. The cool morning breezes, that bring just a hint to the season that follows.

I've been working, working, working in short moments I can spare to get ready for my fall shows. So many less hours in a day to create. I've been joking with friends that my next craft show will just be me, sitting there smiling, holding baby unicorn-not a kunklebaby bib or blanket in sight. It's honestly not that bad, but as much as I said I was trying to get prepared, there are just not enough hours in a day.

I'm so looking forward to the extra joy I feel during autumn. I think I smile a little brighter, feel a little happier and... well, just love the season so much!
Here's to another great fall this year! YAY!