Welcome February

As I look back 

over my life

I am struck by post

           cards

Ruined snapshots

faded posters

Of a time, I can't recall

-Jim Morrison

I am working on putting January behind me. I hope the memory grows flimsy and transparent with time. The sting will dull, until all that remains is a small & distant picture in my head. Times passes. Does it heal all wounds? I think, no. It does allow them to fade and diminish in loudness & duration. They remain though, sitting below the surface, never quite gone. Able to to be cut deep into, if one knows the right tool. With time, a callous will form, disguising the original wound. Time goes on.

 I have welcomed this February as no other in my past. I welcome the change, and hope for the next month ahead. I've been thinking a lot about time lately and what it can bring us as it passes. My children grow. Strong legs, strong minds. I try to distract myself from the impermanence of it all. Someday, I too will be gone, and only a memory in their minds. A memory of faded snapshots, and soft spoken words. The future is theirs, I am just their bridge leading them to it. The days pass quickly, as they stretch higher to the sky. Each day growing in size and skills.

I think I am going to explore some of my thoughts on time in general,  this February. The longest, short month of the year. The start of the year has been a bit rough for us, but I have hope for the the rest of the year. It's darkest before dawn, and we are waiting for the sun, now.

Not so Black & White

When I was younger, everything was so simple. So very, very black and white. Things were either one way, or another-right or wrong. There was no gray, no middle ground. I was so head strong in my idea's, that I believed there was no other way. I often thought kids who misbehaved, were not "taught" to behave by their parents. People who didn't "have" time for themselves, chose not to make it. Most dreaded of all, the long, How..old am I, again?.... uggg, this one annoyed me most of all. I used to think who in the world can't even remember their own age? They just want to look cute, and not seem so old.

Wrong-wrong-wrong!

Over the past several years, I have learned just how wrong I was. I look back at the younger me and can't believe some of the crap that went through my head! Once I stopped worrying about silly, nonsense that didn't affect my daily life, I was so much happier & peaceful.

As for children, yep even the best kids have moments of "terror children" in public. Even my best efforts, can't avoid a meltdown every so often from one of my brood-in public. Time has been a real challenge lately. While I want to do things that I enjoy and like, there really is just not enough time in a day. While I "can" fit them in, it usually means putting something else off till later. [can be done, but at a cost]. The Age issue...well, let's just say that I started having to "think" about my age a few kids, err, years ago. Seriously, those people were not kidding! With so many other things swimming in our heads, those kinda things sometimes get lost!

So, the next time, someone really annoys you, or things seem all wrong. Take a deep breath and relax, it's not all black & white. Once I realized so much was going on in the background, the gray area's, with other people [kids, jobs, chores, list, more lists, family, stress], until you walk in their shoes, you have no idea what's happening-cut them a little slack.Most of all, keep on smiling! Enjoy the rainbow.

New Beginnings

These little feet have traveled far, over the past few years, but they have never traveled this far from Mama before.

With the start of school, I'm sending my only daughter off each day. She was so excited to be there-and not a tear, nor tinge of anxiety ever crossed her eyes. She disappeared into a sea of children without even a glance back to see the tears in her mothers eyes.

It's exciting & sad whirlwind all mixed up into one big emotion, I've never felt before. That's the thing about being a mother. As soon as you think you have something figured out or got it all together-you don't. I have been so used to having all my children at home with me-their entire lives. all four. Some of you may run screaming at the very idea, but I LOVED it! It's a new beginning with the family branching out into different directions, together, but physically apart at times.

The other day the kids and I were baking. While looking in the oven on our almost baked, cookies, Mr. {D} said: "Time sure does go fast sometimes, Mom". It sure does son, so much faster than you even know!


My little caterpillar is growing into a butterfly. Just don't fly too far, too quick, baby girl.