Fair Days

We got to spend the day at The Ohio State Fair yesterday. For the record, I LOVE the fair! I love all the animals, people watching, junk food I eat once a year, the smiles & squeals that come from my children. This year was extra special because it's the first year Baby {J} has really been into it. He's finally old enough to know whats up. He's watched the older kids ride the rides, eat the food and visit the animals in the past, but this year he was able to take part. He was in love with the pigs and worked up the courage to pet a few horses-very tentatively. He rode his first ride and pony.

Ice cream, cotton candy, funnel cakes and lemonades were had by all. I think everyone went home with belly aches last night- the good kind though. The kind that comes from too much junk food, but you don't even care cause it was so good and so fun eating it. It was a good day!

Smile

Hip Hip Hooray, it's Wednesday! I'm looking forward to a relaxing end of the week here. It seems this time every year the hustle & bustle starts to get to me. I want to be out in the sunshine, playing with my kids, with no daily to-do list. Ummm... well, that never "actually" happens. I do have four kids and a husband after all. I would need a nanny, cook and housekeeper, gardener to make that a reality, and then I'd be far too bored. 

I do look forward to the simpler days ahead. The calmness and free rhythm that Summer brings. Having done both traditional public school and homeschool with the kids, I'm really starting to miss the homeschooling. I love, love, love their current school. Mostly I miss all the time together that homeschooling afforded us. Both methods have their good and bad qualities. No, there isn't a move back towards homeschool happening here, again. I'm looking forward to the freedom of summer. Long afternoons lying in the grass watching the clouds with the children, parks full of happy toddlers and their new puppies, tending the garden and watching the flowers grow and blossom. Sleeping in... please, just a couple times kids? 

I'm feeling a little ho-hum and lackadaisical theses days. Just drifting through, not much inspiration to sew, or create or clean. Just looking ahead with a countdown flashing brightly in my eyes. Only a few more weeks. I feel like I am the one in school again, watching the clock tick away slower & slower at the last hour of the day.  Freedom awaits us. Smile brightly. 

New Quilt

 A new quilt for my oldest. This was "supposed" be finished in time for Christmas. Better late than never I guess. Sometimes getting gifts just because on random days is better than a holiday anyways. A nice unexpected surprise upon returning home from school.

 It's the perfect size to drag all aroundd the house wrapped on his shoulders, or a nice lap blanket while reading. It looks super cute laid across the center of his bed too. It has a nice mix of my favorites, and his favorite fabric prints. I love it for all it's colorful, crinkly goodness. I love him for his creative soul, quick whit,  and determination.

I want to be...

I want to be strong. A role model for my children. Compassionate and open to seeing the feelings of others. I want my kids to grow up, and have children of their own, telling them grand tales about the part of their life they spent most with me. I want them to say I was/am a good mother. I want to create, and be creative. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to pass on my love of books to my little one's- the ability to get lost in a story. I want to laugh and play.  I want to paint. I want to have time to paint. I want to have something to say. I want to make the world a better place, even if only in small ways with small actions. I want to love myself. I want to be close to my children when they are grown. Mothering doesn't end at 18. I want to spend an entire weekend laying in bed-napping and reading. I want to know the people around me are being cared for- friends, family, children, neighbors.

I want to be free, and happy and strong. Loving, thoughtful, funny... I want to be the best me, I can be.

-embrace the camera

Just me

Today I was thinking about me. Well, me as a thirteen year old. Truth is, it seems like just yesterday. I was suddenly struck with the recollection of just how much things mattered to me. Just silly, little things compared to now, but to thirteen, fourteen year old Jessica, they were earth shattering important. I chuckled  to myself and then a second idea dawned on me. My eight year old is FAR closer to thirteen than I am these days. OMG, I will in a few short years have a thirteen year old of my very own. A few year after that a whole household of teens. How did I get so far from my teenage self with just a blink of an eye?  

Truth is things are not always happy & rosy for us. That's reality of life. I've butted heads far to often with a too close to thirteen year old boy of mine. I will say that every time I think I have this mothering thing down, something new comes up. I laugh now at my naivety of two child, Mama Jess. Oh how easy and simple all my solutions were. As a mama to four now, I see just how complicated things with a tribe of children, can get sometimes. This new pre-teen stage has me reassessing everything I thought I knew again, as does the realization the unknown part, never ends. Honestly what is motherhood other than reassessing, and learning as we go. Trying to hold our heads up when we are down and sharing our glow when we are up. 

The thing is, I want my kids to know thirteen year old Jess. I want them to realize I wasn't always the woman nagging them to be nice to their brother, or clean up their dirty socks. I want them to know my passions and experiences. I want them to know that I was once a thirteen year old girl, who thought her parents were silly and life had to be better, easier, more exciting... somewhere out there- over the rainbow. I want to connect. I've decided to make a new effort to try and relate and remember what it feels like to be a kid. Not just a tired, sometimes overworked mama with a mile long to do list. It's still there inside of me. 

One of the first things to let go of was my "adult" aversion to being photographed lately. {Let's just say 4 kids in 6-ish odd years is not the easiest on the figure} The other day I realized the kids don't see the extra baby weight I see right now. They see their mama who they love. I want them to have pictures to look back on with their mom. So they can chuckle and laugh and pick apart the my hair, and clothing style in 20 years. So, I've been letting the kids take pictures of me-whatever they want, silly, serious, fancy, often out of focus, and depending on the photographer, lacking me in the photo at all.  Sometimes I make silly faces, {oh how luc loves those}, sometimes I smile, but always it's me there. Real, genuine Mama!

thirty.

Today I turn thirty! Yes, thirty. I remember a time when I thought I would never be that "old". It seems to have crept up on me overnight. I'm pretty sure I was just turning 25 yesterday. I'm not going to lie, the idea of now being in my thirties rather than late twenties has been haunting me over the past few weeks. I may, or may not have had a few mini-meltdowns about it all.

I am looking forward to all that the next ten years will bring though. I couldn't be a happier mama! I have four beautiful kids and a wonderful husband. Over the next few years I hope to expand Kunklebaby a bit to include my artwork, which means I need to "find" some time to paint again, possibly have one more baby [please honey...just one more. lol], watch my children grow and blossom into their own unique little people, spend more time with my husband just the two of us, get more sleep [just a little, please Binks], find time to workout everyday, learn how to knit better, laugh, smile and be happy.

Whatever my thirties hold for me, Bring it On!

Spring is Here!

What better way to celebrate the arrival of Spring than a Spring Equinox Tea Party? We had so much fun over the weekend celebrating the sunny [and hopefully healthy] season ahead.

Fruit, cookies, tea, cakes and friends= the perfect combo! I spent the week leading up to the stitching the embroidered tea coasters. I think they were the perfect touch for the day, even the boys liked theirs.

I think we may have to add this to our annual events list.

9 months

You've been here 9 whole months already Binks!! [well close to 10m now, but with all the sickness cycling through the house, this is as quick as I could get these up] Everyday you grow more & more amazing. Your have beautiful grey eyes that have flecks of blue, green and brown depending on the day. I can't get enough of your little giggles, and now kisses. Yes, you are kissing us back and it's awesome! You pull yourself up on the furniture now and can get into lots of new trouble that way-like the toilet.

Nursing is still one of your favorite activities, day & night. You have four teeth now, two up and two down so we are working that out. I do love how you entwine your toes together while your eating. It's so sweet. You like some foods and have started feeding yourself finger goods [so grown up!]. You say cat, mama, dada, and squeal in delight when we clap for your talking accomplishments.

There is magic in your smile and a mischievous , adventurous twinkle in your eye. Your easy going attitude definitely helps mama out at times, although you have three siblings that couldn't adore you more.

8 months

It's so hard to believe you've been here for 8 months already. The time has just passed like a flash. One moment you are brand new, first placed in my arms. In a blink you are crawling through the house looking for new adventures.

I am so so in love with you-those eyes, those dimples, the giggle smile. Your so sweet and easy going, a mother couldn't ask for an easier baby. It's been such a pleasure enjoying you as you are-not looking ahead to what you'll be. I'll have time to enjoy that when you are going through those stages and changes. My focus from the start has been to see you for who you are each and everyday and it's been a magical journey.

Out-takes

Some fun outtakes from our Kunklebaby photoshoot today. I've had a huge PILE of stuff sitting here for 2 months waiting to be photographed so I could add it to my shop. We had a few spare minutes today so I decided to try and get some shots... and add Baby {J} to the Kunklebaby model mix. {haha}. He's 8 months old today! Can you believe it? He's so cute I can't even stand it!

Seriously? How many pics are you going to take Mama??

Biggest Brother feeling left out.

Almost done when who should show up? Batman! Little {L} was all dressed in his Batman gear, even sporting the Batman scowl. {did you all know Batman never smiles? I do now}

You can check out what made the "cut" in the shop. I'll be adding some new bibs through the weekend. Lots of girlie one's too. Take a peek at the CUTE shots!

A little more Christmas

I am enjoying every little bit before it's all over for the year. Getting close now!!

Solstice

Happy Winter Solstice! We spent the day baking cookies, laughing & enjoying each others company... and the bigger kids got to watch "Attack of the 50 ft Woman" from 1958. Fun times, hee-hee.

Looking forward to a warm, happy winter snuggled up with my children.

Creating

Lots of making going on at our home. Between Kunklebaby Christmas orders and all our holiday gifts that need made, our days have been full. I've spent the past few months knitting and we'll spend the last few weeks before Christmas sewing. The kids have their own long list of "to do's", like Christmas cookies, clay, gingerbread houses and their own gift making. Mama is finishing scarves, new dolls, quilts, ornaments and some homemade baking too.

It's such a happy time of year for us. We are all excited to see the extended family soon. With most of our relatives 2+ hours away, it's becoming a special treat.

six.

I hope six still has room for unicorns, silly faces, snuggles with mama, holding hands, the mystique of fairies, late night chats about dreams & wishes.

All the magic in the world is wrapped up in this little girl. My little girl who is quickly becoming not so little anymore. It seems like yesterday she was placed in my arms. A wee-little tiny babe. So much smaller than any of the boys ever were! I was scared to hold her-didn't want to break her. She is an old soul with an amazing quest for knowledge and love. She continue's to amaze me with her wisdom & sweetness. The past six years have been magical for me getting to know her. Just being near her. I'm so lucky to call you my daughter!

Happy Birthday sweet girl.

This week...

This week, my very first baby turned seven. I feel so emotional about it all. This is my son who made me a mother. He taught what it was really like to love someone else more than myself [the very moment I laid eyes on him]. The boy who makes me laugh hysterically and also makes me want to tear the hair from my head at times [often all in the same day].

How in the world has seven years passed so quickly? I feel as if he was just on my shoulder, snuggled into the rocking chair, awaiting the dawn with me. First steps, first smiles, laughs, giggles, food, first teeth, then lost teeth, school... these things have seemed to pass in a whirlwind. Sure each year I say wow, your growing fast, but somehow seven is so very different. Seven just seems so... grown. He needs me so much less as the years pass. No longer do I need to help his chubby little fingers button coats, or put on stubborn shoes. He asks to be left alone to play at times, not begging me to play with him. He's no longer a baby, certainly not a toddler, but not a man yet either- a small time just in between. I like feel I will blink and he'll be a teenager-all angsty and wanting to borrow my car.

He's creative, unique, funny, silly and just overall a cool person. He has this great way of looking at life with such optimism and a drive to change things for the better. I see him doing wonderful things in his life, and I'm a proud mama!
I'm so thankful for the past seven years that I've gotten to spend with him.

Happy Birthday [my baby] Son!

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. Join in at Soulemama.

4 months

Four months... so short, but so long at the same time! In four months, it's hard for me to remember our family without you. You have stolen everyone's heart with the sweet smiles you share so freely, and the wonderful sound of your laughter. You seem to be growing so fast, I love watching you change, but also secretly want to keep you tiny somehow-a magic bubble or anti-aging elixir. Keep you my tiny, sweet little babe-so fresh & new. -love-

Smile

Smile... it'll be Friday before we know it!