Grateful

I'm feeling so grateful for my family today, So grateful for their strength and humor over the past few months.  I find strength in our unity and the helps to push me along when I need prodding. Everyday I look at these four little souls that I helped create and feel so lucky to get to know them, hold them, be important to them. The baby has started saying, I love you Mama. Always at just the right moment, without warning or desire to earn something. His sweetness is never lost on me.

I struggle with February, each year. The time seems to crawl along. Little light, many hours of darkness in the day-this year filled with rain. Some days I lack the strength to look ahead to the brighter, sun filled, warm days of spring that creep closer each hour. Silly little things become huge annoyances and issues to me this month. I have to constantly remind myself to breathe and focus. Things I would ignore any other time of the year, start to pick & pull at my psyche and eat away at the core. Children get tired of being cooped up in the house and start to agitate each other out of boredom. Mama's nerves are grated thin this time of year.

The past two weeks I think I've done a good job at keeping ahead of the tiredness of winter, {especially this non-snow filled one} that always arises. I've tried to minimize the tension with lots of laughs, silliness with the kids, and dancing. Dancing always lightens the mood.  The baby just started potty training this week. That alone has kept my hours filled with chasing after him, reading crouched on the bathroom floor for what feels like hours, and jumping up & down in excitement with my proud boy.

While February will never be my favorite month, this one has definitively been one of the easiest for me. I have so much to be thankful for and have made that my current focus...  but Spring, I really can't wait till you arrive. We're old friends, I miss you. Text me so I know you're on your way soon enough.

Welcome February

As I look back 

over my life

I am struck by post

           cards

Ruined snapshots

faded posters

Of a time, I can't recall

-Jim Morrison

I am working on putting January behind me. I hope the memory grows flimsy and transparent with time. The sting will dull, until all that remains is a small & distant picture in my head. Times passes. Does it heal all wounds? I think, no. It does allow them to fade and diminish in loudness & duration. They remain though, sitting below the surface, never quite gone. Able to to be cut deep into, if one knows the right tool. With time, a callous will form, disguising the original wound. Time goes on.

 I have welcomed this February as no other in my past. I welcome the change, and hope for the next month ahead. I've been thinking a lot about time lately and what it can bring us as it passes. My children grow. Strong legs, strong minds. I try to distract myself from the impermanence of it all. Someday, I too will be gone, and only a memory in their minds. A memory of faded snapshots, and soft spoken words. The future is theirs, I am just their bridge leading them to it. The days pass quickly, as they stretch higher to the sky. Each day growing in size and skills.

I think I am going to explore some of my thoughts on time in general,  this February. The longest, short month of the year. The start of the year has been a bit rough for us, but I have hope for the the rest of the year. It's darkest before dawn, and we are waiting for the sun, now.

Around the House

I am so craving summer. I cannot wait to get back to the Farmers Market and enjoy lots of fresh fruits & veggies. February is my least favorite month of the year, hands down. I miss the sun!

One little boy with Mama's old camera= happiest boy in the world!

A sick baby in the house this week. All he wants to do is snuggle, nurse and he CANNOT be without his bink!

My ongoing projects are starting to pile up, but I am close to finishing the kids Valentine's gifts. They are each getting a knitted winter hat. Miss {M}'s is currently on the needles and I LOVE the pretty purpley pink yarn.