We're back!!

After a few months break, I'm sure some of you wondered what in the world happened to us! As the end of school loomed and my to-do list exploded at the seams I started to feel a huge pressure bearing down on me. I was just getting kinda overwhelmed with... well, life it seems. I needed a break from the crazy stressful days. I have never, ever in all my life looked forward to a summer as much as this one! Summer was going to be a welcome time for me to relax, stop shuffling the kids here & there & here again, read a little, just... be!

I stopped blogging here because I was just too busy for a few weeks. I started to feel anxious about not blogging, like I was neglecting my job or something. It was then I realized I needed a break. No deadline, so craft shows, no to do list! Just fresh summer air and a free schedule. So after that's exactly what we dis the past few months. Instead of blogging & searching the internet, I exercised each night {and lost 15 lbs so far]. Instead of planning my summer show line up, I knit and read books-for fun, like I used to when I had "time". Instead of school & the morning shuffle we relax in the backyard with some sun & fresh veggies.

I am feeling more relaxed and more like myself than I have in a long time. The winter of 2011 was rough on us [me] and I just needed some time I think. I'm happy to be back and feeling energized and creative. So, while I was gone, we....

Danced. Oh, how we've danced!

Made new friends. That's Little L's new buddy, Blue. Yes, I know he's an orange cat, but blue is his favorite color and word. I'm just happy he's not called Batman. lol

Played in the dirt.

Laughed and loved. I've never laughed so much in my life. I'M BACK!

Reflections

There are so many things I never knew or noticed, until they were gone and I longed for them back. I never knew my kids would sprout up and grow almost over night. That I would look back with longing for the long, sleepless nights with a newborn-just to hold them as a baby one more time. Nuzzling chubby necks, only the two of us existing at the time, while the rest of the world was in a deep slumber.

I never knew to cherish each and every time my children held my hand. I took for granted, their tiny, little fists wrapped in mine. I never knew the pain I would feel the first time they shrugged off my hand or asked to walk "alone".

I never knew that the monotony of each day blending in and out of each other seamlessly, the constant rhythm, of our home, would someday go away. I never knew how much I would miss the boring, idle chatter while doing chores. The peaceful days so alike the last-feeding, changing babes, playing, cleaning. Our summer, flowed right into fall-on and on in the rhythm of our lives together, changing, but also staying so much, the same. Our days are now filled with pick ups, drop off, finding shoes for the 100th time and rushing. Ohhh, the rushing. I never knew how much I would hate the rushing! Predictable & calm, I miss you old friends.

I never knew that I would one day wake up and feel old, wondering when the hell did this happened? Was it not yesterday that I was in high school, college... young? My skin young & supple, now wrinkled with age and signs of babies. I never appreciated being young, not the freedom, my body, anything! I wish I had known.

By looking at all the things I never realized, the things that seemed to pass by all too quick, helps me open my eyes to the things I am likely to miss now. Things that otherwise might seem a nuisance, will one day be looked back on with longing and a sense of love. Someday I will miss seeing my babes at dawn each morning, not grumble like I often do now. When they are away at college, or beyond, I will long to see their faces as I wake to an empty home.

Someday I will miss cooking for my brood, and long for their little "helping" hands in my kitchen. By taking the time to realize that I have so much in my life, makes the day pass happily, a smile cross my face more, and the peace & rhythm-I so long for- to be seen. It's been here all along, just changing and morphing into different patterns.

I am so lucky.

Reflections

Sunday. It's 11am, I'm still in bed snuggling my little nursling. Warm cheek against my breast. Outside the door, a steady sound of controlled chaos creeps in, as the three older children play with their father. I don't want to wake up. I don't want this end. I don't want Monday to ever come. I've been up since 7am, these thoughts repeating in my head, as an endless cycle. One more hour. One more day. I miss my little girl [my only daughter] too much while she's off at school. Her little giggles do not echo through the house. Instead all I hear are the war cries of the boys. Boys and girls really are so very different! Monday means another day dropping her off. My heart cries, NO...stay, but instead I smile. It never reaches my eyes.

I lay here in bed holding my baby close. Baby number four. So many things I know now that I didn't with number one. so very many. Never grow old baby boy! Never age. Stay here in my arms like some mythological god, or peter pan-my babe. You smile and I know it's only time. Time whispers into my ears...school, college, independence, your own family someday. It's only a matter of time until I am no longer nuzzling your chubby feet. Instead I will be chasing your strong legs, as you learn to run. Running from me as I chase after you. Toddlerhood and on, and on. It's only a matter of time. A sadness washes over me as I realize this is the way it's supposed to be. I am lucky to know you, hold you, have you as mine, even if just for a little while.

I breathe a sigh, this idea doesn't bring me the comfort I seek. A sigh. A sigh for the things I cannot change. A sigh for my children, and mostly for me. Accept that Monday will come no matter how long I sit here in my make-shift nest. The one thing you cannot ignore is time. It comes whether celebrated or ignored. With one last kiss and a smile. We arise to see the rest of the family.

My heart still crying for tomorrow...

Times they are a changing!

It's strange to image my independent two year old, currently racing through the house, climbing the walls and jumping on the cats, was this sweet, chubby footed toddler only last summer! [Although to be honest he was never very mellow]. It just seems like this one has grown so fast! Just yesterday HE was the baby of the house, and now he goes potty alone, dresses himself and needs his mama much less!

The past year had some up & downs for Little {L} and his mother! I got pregnant with Baby Unicorn last September and once October-ish hit, my sweet faced little mama's boy became a little, sweet faced monster! Lots of yelling, breaking things, napless l-o-n-g days and a sickly mama trying not to throw up on herself for a few months [quickly followed by a giant mama too tired & big to move].

I was worried about my little devil feeling replaced when Baby Unicorn arrived. I imaged even more tantrums, fights and rebellion. I was actually dreading the backlash that I was sure to arrive-at the worst moment possible, of course. The hospital visit passed without incident, a few days home-still good. My husband went back to work [oh, no here it comes!], and still nothing. It's been a little over a month since Little Julian joined the family and I feel like it's safe to say that we've made it through...in better condition than before.

In all honestly, Lucian has actually gotten closer to that sweet faced little doll I remember & really missed! I think he was missing his fun, patient mama, who had been replaced by the ever expanding, impatient, tired one that lived here the past 9 months. I had not realized how much I had changed, just focused on his behavior growing worse. The past weeks have been so wonderful! That said, he is still a two year old, with the "typical" two year old tantrums and such! So if you see me in Target with a screaming toddler, don't think..."Hmmm, I knew she was a liar!" haha!

Growing

It's been wonderful watching all the plants growing and blooming. To keep busy while waiting for my own little bean to grow, we've done way more planting than we ever get done this early. The tomato's & lettuce seeds are planted. The children are anxiously waiting for them to sprout. We planted lots of spring flowers and have even seen a few come back from last year!

The pink blooms on the photo are from a tree in our backyard. My husband and I planted it the first summer we bought our house. It's really cool to watch it grow and realize how much we have grown. We've grown older, sometimes wiser, watched our family double, gained new friends, and shared a lot in the few years since we planted the little tree. I do mean little too, she was kinda sad looking for the first 2 years. We had no idea what we were doing and just walked into the garden center and picked a "cheap" one. When I look at the pretty blooms, I can't help but feel nostalgic abmy husband and the direction our lives has gone. Soon baby #4 will be welcomed into the home and someday play under this very tree with smiling, giggling siblings.

We're growing again!

Our family is growing again!

We will be welcoming our fourth child to the family this upcoming Spring. Everyone is beyond thrilled and excited. The older kids are really hoping for a baby sister [and so is mama!]. This baby will most likely be our last addition, so it would be awesome to have another little girl in the house. The boys are starting to take over!

It was a rough start this time. I could literally fall asleep anywhere at anytime the first 3 months, but things are coming around. I'm not feeling nauseous anymore and while I am a bit more tired, nothing extreme like it was! My belly is growing [I swear it gets bigger earlier, each time!], and the kids are loving watching it grow. {D} & {M} talk to my belly and tell their new baby sister or brother all about our family and the life they will join. They have little {L} kissing my belly and saying. " hi baby!". Boy, he has no idea what he's in for! He doesn't understand, but it sure is sweet anyways.

My lovely friend Colleen send me the card pictured above after I told her. It really meant a lot to me! With this being baby being #4, we've found even family, not as excited this time. I think each and every child & pregnancy is special and unique. It warmed my heart to open this special card that celebrated our newest miracle. You can read more about Colleen on her blog, Craft Lovely.

Happiness is...

Yummy, Healthy Goodness.

Found treasures from the Earth,

after a long day of playing in the mud.

A peaceful moment.

Creations from children.

Laughter!