Last weekend, I was lucky enough to witness the birth of a new little soul. My best friend had her first son, and I got to be there. I even cut the cord-seriously. It was so amazing. I've had four of my own babies, and saw three more come into this world, but this was my first cord cutting.
As the cord was cut, this sweet boy was officially his own person. Separated from his mama's body, he now has to breathe, and eat for himself. The world is a new place with many sensations, noises and newness. I couldn't help but feel a sense of rightness enfolding. You see, I've wished for Mary after the birth of EVERY single one of my babies. We had a falling out & lost touch during college. It was always one of those wrongs that I've always wanted righted.
When I moved to Columbus I was an 18 year old kid, with no life experience other than being at home with my parents. [like most college freshman]. I was in a new city and pretty much on my own. I met Mary the first day, she was my new roommate from Texas. From the very beginning she looked out for me, making sure I woke up on time [i'm so not a morning person & NEVER was]. She made breakfast, went to parks with me, the library. Pretty much we did everything together. These things are all fine & great- many of you have friends like that. It was how she did it. She was so nurturing & kind, wanting nothing in return. I was so angry & hostile at the time [although I didn't realize it then]. Angry at the world! I had built up this tough persona because I was so wounded, and actually afraid to admit it.
I started calling her Mama Mary after only a few weeks, I think. Without even realizing it, she opened my eyes to who I "could" be and the happiness I could have if I just stopped being so damn angry. Still it took years to pass until I realized it. When we had a argument, I responded in the only way I knew at the time-anger to mask my hurt & fear. She moved out, I grumbled.
A few years later, Dylan was born and all I wished for was to have Mary at my side to meet my son. While I hadn't seen her in several years, she still felt like a mother to me-to the NEW me. The improved me. The me I wanted her to know now existed. More children joined our family.. rather quickly and I still felt a sadness that wouldn't pass. I wanted to thank Mary for the mother I was. The mother I had become, the mother I wanted to be. It was all because of her & the small kindness she bestowed on me for a small year and a half, back in the day. The year and a half that changed me! Gave me the self esteem to realize what I could be- and someday would be.
When I randomly ran into her last year, I was overjoyed, but so cautious. Would we still be friends? Had I built it up to be so great, reality would fail me? Would she even want to speak to me after I spoke to her so unkindly. Then one year later -almost to the date- and I am cutting the cord to her baby. Cutting away the old- the pain & regret, the doomed "argument" A new future ahead. It no longer mattered that she wasn't with me when my babies arrived because she is with them now--all the time. I could be with her for her birth, and I hope I helped her just a little for those few hours, like she helped me all those years ago. Some way to even try and payback some of her kindness.
Thank you for letting me be present at the baby's birth. [she's now Mama Mary to three of her own little one's] It meant more to me than you'll ever know!